I’ve been pretty lousy these last couple of weeks about having a social life. It seems once I create a new important priority in my life, in this case a daily workout regimen, I am simply unable to add anything else besides eating, sleeping, office time, working out, and rubbing the cat’s fuzzy belly.
So last night, also know as Saturday night, I was sweeping the floor free of kitty litter with the tunes on shuffle. And it occurred to me that this small, personal joy of cleaning while singing Beyoncé’s “Me Myself and I” on repeat might not happen as much when I cohabitate with the male friend. Not that he would ever deny me the satisfaction of singing and dancing while simultaneously cleaning the apartment (he’s very good with loud noises after being with me for over two years) but the bliss of singing a pop song about a man I caught cheating on me who I’m better off without isn’t exactly something I can share with him the way I share with, say, the broom. The broom gets it. That old boyfriend’s scum. He’s not worth my time. The broom can’t snap its fingers, but it would when I sing, “No need to front like you’re still with me, all your homies know.” MmmHmm. Gospel.
Even though I’m currently in a healthy relationship (and the most fulfilling one I’ve ever known), certain songs will just bring me back to the angst of the relationship with that son-of-a-bitch-you-know-who-you-are.
I have been able to maintain casual friendships with my exes, so I know it’s possible to break up and then make up as friends. But sometimes there is nothing left to repair between two people.
I’ve only dated one guy who was so selfish and cowardly that his actions caused me to close off from him completely. There’s no point in trying to “talk it out” when that person is 1. a liar 2. a coward.
And a note to the wise: Even if you drink too much whiskey one day and decide that today is the day to bang down his door and confront him for the awful things he did. Don’t. Because you’re so freaking better off without his mind games and lies it’s not worth the humiliation of showing up on his doorstep with nothing to really say besides, “you suck”.
Some other poor woman is going to have to deal with his low self-esteem and depression. And that other poor woman is currently upstairs, doing what you used to do. Except she’s probably going to need more time to figure out his bullshit is not worth it.
And yeah, certain songs will bring you back to the anger of it all. But, that’s between you and the broom. Because, you’re free of it.
And that’s where I’m at people.